I'm like a drug addict, expect my addiction is an absence of a substance.
I'm in power when I'm away from it, I'm terrified when near it.
Relapse; all co addiction patients have been through it.
I wish I could stay here forever alone.
I still love her taste, some times I wish she would leave me..
but I'm not sick of her yet, is that as good as it gets?
I'm slipping into her, it's so easy to come back into her.
I'm in control this time.
Not anyone else.
I'm not at my goal yet.. but I'm closer then I was yesterday.

Don’t eat, you’re gonna get fatter. Don’t talk, you’re making yourself look fucking stupid. Don’t laugh, it’s annoying as fuck. Don’t try making a connection with him, you’re becoming more pathetic with each attempt. Don’t hold on, you’re going to fucking let go sooner or later anyways. Don’t expect someone to make an effort with you, you’re just gonna let yourself down again. Don’t try, whats the fucking point? Don’t cry, you’re fucking weak. Don’t feel anything anymore, numbness is all you fucking know now. Don’t hope for freedom, these chains are never going to be cut loose. Ever. Don’t even breathe; it’s fucking pointless.

3 months until 2011.
Let me see what I've accomplished in 2010.....
oh yeah, nothing.
For 2011, i need to write a bucket list or something.
Do something memorable.













And I need a little more thunder, and little more lighting, a little more you. Be my lantern, help me shine on through <3.

Is it weird that I think of other peoples Moms more of a mother then my own?















Ashley:
" I hate when I buy pads at the store .. :\"

Me:
"No, shut the fuck up. You walk in the fucking store, and you buy the fucking pads like a boss. Stare the cashier down, squirt period blood in their eye, and walk off like you rule this shit. Quit being such a pussy."

I say I’m not pretty. Not because I’m looking for attention or compliments, but because that’s truly how I feel. I don’t believe that I am pretty because I can see everything you don’t. I see how my stomach looks when I’m standing in my bra. I see the face under the make up. I see every little flaw about myself, even if you can’t. I say I’m not pretty because I’d be lying if I said I was.

Cross the line if you’ve ever felt that you weren’t skinny enough to date someone.

This made me cry buckets..

I wonder what the person I’m going to marry is doing right now. It’s weird to think that they’re walking on this Earth, and I might already know them.

Biggest wish in the world, is to meet anyone of them. I need to, it's on my bucket list, that's for sure. I paid 200$ for a backstage pass with the slightest chance of meeting them, and I didn't.. and I cried. I've been there when even the smallest venue's weren't even close to being sold out, I've been there since the begging. I NEED to meet them.

All Time Low isn’t just a band; They are a family. They treat fans with respect and see us as the normal people that we are. They aren’t in it for the fame and fortune. All Time Low is a band because they love to play music and they know how much their music touches the fans. They are all just funny, talented, loving guys that would do anything for us. That was proved today. I will stick by All Time Low for as long as I live. They have done so much for me and for many others. I’m thankful for all that they’ve given me. I love All Time Low. I love All Time Low’s crew. I love All Time Low’s fans. Thank you to everyone.

Oh what a nice birthday present that would make..









” Dreams don’t always have to exist while the sun’s down
and your eyes are shut. “  - Alex Gaskarth

I don't want anyone perfect. I don’t want anyone normal, that's just boring. I want someone weird. I want someone unpredictable. I want someone who lets things slide and who loves to laugh and makes me laugh. I want someone who will be crazy about me, and isn’t afraid to let everyone know it. I want him to be able to tell me to shut the hell up when I am bugging him. I want someone who challenges me, in every way. I want someone who puts up with my shit, but isn't a pushover. I want someone who pisses me off, but I can never be mad at. But perfect? That’s one thing I never want. Maybe just perfect for me.
He's out there, I believe it.



Jack Bassam Barakat, oh the love I have for him.
Honestly, his tweets make me smile ear to ear.
And his kinky on stage moves, oh boy ;)
It was six years ago when I first noticed hi.
I lalalove everything about him ;
His shaggy black hair, his hairy gorilla legs, his booty shorts, his love for bananas, burritos and sloppy joes, his bromance with Alex, the way he can't ever find his mom, his love for the movie home alone, his un-shaven face, the way he does the macarena, how he thrusts ;) , both our obsession with Nike high tops, the way he likes Aladian because he is Arab, how he thinks all babies are Lebanese, our love for Blink 182, his borat accent, the way he thinks hes so good at poker, his boner song, the way we both love turtles!

There's so much more I love about him, but I just can't put them into words <3

         .. I want to have little marshmallows D:











Oh the things you can find in my home town (:







No matter how we try to be mature..
We will always be a kid when we all get hurt and cry.