Citrine looks exactly like what it sounds like — bright, vibrant yellow! And topaz comes in more colors than you can imagine. Topaz used to be very popular in engagement rings, too, since it symbolizes love and affection.
I want my engagement ring to have my birth stone in it :$

Day Ten, final day ;
One confession.

I want to loose weight. And starting tomorrow, I'm going to do whatever it takes... again.



Day Eight ;
Three turn ons.

One ; If you smell good. Oh man, if you smell like the inside of Hollister.. I think I will love you from then on. Plus, keep hugging you 24/7.

Two ; Nice teeth. I love guys who smile, and when you have nice teeth.. it makes it even better.

Three ; Good style and how clean they are.  Wearing nice clean clothes, with a bit of fashion sense added to it.. is a way to grab my attention for sure. If you wear the same shirt, three days in a row.. I'll take you to the laundry mat.

Day Seven ;
Four turn offs.

One ;
Bad skin.  Honestly, a few pimples here and there on your face are okay. But, not if you look like a cherry blaster. Use Clean N' Clear !

Two ;
If you smell.  If you smell, oh boy do not even come near me. I HATE when people smell bad. That's why I carry mini body spray everywhere. I smell good, so you should to.

Three ;
If you wear eyeliner. Really now? For your birthday, would you want me to get you an Avon magazine? Grow a pair, and wash that shit off.

Four ;
Being disrespectful. I'm young, and I know I can get out of hand at times. But I'm respectful to everyone. It's called being mature.

Day six ;
Five people who mean a lot to you in NO order at all.

My first lovely bestfriend ;
Briyanna Lawes <3
It's been almost 12 years that this lovely laddie and me have been best friends.  I know for a fact, we'll be in our 20's, going to clubs and living together, then in our 40's babysitting each others kids, then in our 70's chasing each other and throwing our false teeth at one another LOL. This girl, legit means the world to me, and then some. I'm more open with her, then with anyone on this planet. We tell each other everything, and we don't tell anyone else. I can always go to her, with the stupidest shit like having a hole in my sock, to period cramps. She's my soul sister, because god knew I had to have a bit of black in my life. Best friends/sisters/wifeys, for ever and ever

Second ;
Aaron Dalley <3
When it comes down to it, I love this guy. No matter what. Even though we fight like Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan, we always make up. Because I can't see me living my life, without him. He's been there, for me to rant to him, to cry on his shoulder and to take care of me when I'm drunk. I remember when he first told me he was moving, I was completely heartbroken. I really felt I would loose one of my bestfriends, but I didn't. We kept strong, and in my mind.. got stronger. I love him, with all my heart and soul. And when we're old enough, we're driving randomly, without a map. He's my brother, my Jew, and my main man <3 12 years, and going strong.

Third ;
Monica Fantini <3
No matter what it is that we do, I always have a blast with her. She makes me so happy, it's insane. I can go to her, for anything at all. And she's one of the few people I trust with my life. I'd be there in a heart beat for her, with flowers.. just to cheer her up. Shes my concert buddy aha. And even though we've only been friends for a short while now, I feel like I've known this girl for my whole life. She knows more about me, then anyone in this world.. and that's a fact. She's my treasure chest, with the lock and key. She's beautiful, and has been through hell.. that's why she's my inspiration, my idol. Being with her puts a smile on my face. And the voices she does, ho ho buddy don't get me started.
I hope to be friends with this girl for my whole life, deal ? <3

Fourth ;
Joshua Pereira <3
We met in gym class, and then everything went down hill from there.. LOL I'm joking. I have to talk to you everyday, or else I'm lonely. I'll always be there for you, and I'm pretty sure you'll be there for me too.. and that's why I love about you. We're like twins I swear.. we get along so great. I love you to death puffy head. I can tell you anything and everything, even the stupid shit that should be kept to myself.. and yet you don't care, you still talk to me.. and I love that about you. We're growing old together, yes Josh we are.. I don't care what you say, you're stuck with me. Beat me sideways? fuck you, I'll be you with a spoon <3

Fifth ;
Max Gaylord <3
You're my half cousin..but I love you like my brother / best friend. You're always there to hang out, at thee stupidest times no matter what. You're so protective of me, it gets annoying.. but I know it's for the best. I hope to find a man, just like you to marry when I'm older aha I'm not even lying.  You're my guru, and I know for a fact I can always come to you when I need help and it always works. You're so humble and wise, you're like a old wizard. And you're the only guy I know who will hold my hair back when I'm puking, disgusting and true. Max, over all.. you better not leave my life. I'd be lost without you. I love you, to hell and back <3

Well today me and Briyanna went to the CNE. It was amazingly fun. But I always have fun with this girl anyway lmfao. We didn't go on any rides, but that's what Wonderland is for anyway.  I wont free Tiny Tom donuts; oh they're soo good! And a candy apple too (:

Day Five ;
Six things you wish you've never done .

One ;  well the first thing I wish I never did was start eating the way I do now again, I was on such a skinny role.. now I'm a fat donut.
Two ; Sneak off in March.. I have a sad feeling that if I didn't do that.. things would be better, in a good way.
Three ; I wish I never got into drugs. That's why I failed math, I always had to be high.. and it was stupid.
Four ; Lie to him. He meant the world to me, and I did such a cruel thing to him.
Five ; Cut my hair ! Fuck my life yo .
Six ; I wish I never quit my job, I could really use some money right now.

When I was at my friends house not to long ago, her and her family (which is basically mine as well) were talking about my relationships. Now I know myself, I tend to attract weird clingy guys.. but when my friend said I remind her of the movie There's Something About Mary, I had to stop and think.
And I have come to my conclusion; maybe there is something. I've always been one to think of love is more of a game, a way to pass the time if you will. But it seems I always end up with the guys who should be secret spies. Wanting to know where I'm every moment of every day, and if I don't text them back right away they have to go and freak to my best friend. That's where I draw the line.  Am I one to attract the guys who would be the main show at the circus or is it just me seeing it.
I believe this is a sign, a cue from God that I need to lay off guys for a while. And I'm agreeing with it. I need to  focus on life, a life without the hassle of a relationship.


Kay you know what, fuck this..
Nothing crosses my mind on a day to day basis, it's just the way it is..
I don't have seven things that cross my mind every day.
Stuff crosses my mind as it happens, or when it's about to happen.



Corezone is a ceramic heart-shaped vessel that you can place your thoughts, feelings and emotions into. Write them down on pieces of paper and put them inside. You must then physically break your own heart to free them.
I want one.

They say there is six types of lovers;
Eros, Ludus, Storage, Agape, Mania and Pragma .

I think I'm more along the lines of Ludus.

LUDUS

. Believes childhood was "average." Has no complaints.
. Is not ready to commit to anyone in a love relationship
. Likes a variety of different physical types and can switch easily from one type to another
. Begins with a stranger who has physical appearance with the lover's wide range
. Goes on with life as usual after meeting beloved-does not fall in love; no intentions for future
. Avoids seeing partner too often
. May be anxious about the future with a partner who is too intense
. Expects partner to control her/himself and play the game for the mutual enjoyment
. Encourages other relationships
. Thinks love is not as important as work or some other activities

I fell apart, i was hanging by a thread and I'm coming back stronger. I was a fat broken down kid who needed to work harder, My ex's and old friends should have thought smarter, I'm feeling good and i just got started. Nothing can bring me down cause I'm tearing it up, so watch, sit back enjoy while I bring myself up.

Here's to a new me, starting now.

I'll take everything from you, just like you took everything from me. Revenge may be bitter, but it taste so fucking sweet.

Day One :
Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.

One ;  I wish you could see I don't like you anymore.. I want us to be just friends.. is that to much to ask for. I don't want to hurt you, but I feel as if I might.
Two ; This year.. I want us to get closer.. I want us to become friends.
Three ; Hopefully this year won't change anything, I know for me it won't.. you'll always be my best friend <3
Four ; Keep staying strong girl, you're amazing just the way you are.
Five ; Honestly.. fuck off. EVERY TIME you come back into my life, you start shit.. but why can't I just tell you to leave?
Six ; I wish we could start talking again, but I keep messing up every time we do.
Seven ; You look like The Hunchback of Norther Dame buddy, and it makes me laugh every time.
Eight ; Stop being such a drama queen, honestly.. you do this too much. I know you're gay, doesn't mean you have to act like a 12 year old girl.
Nine ; I hope we become great friends this year (:
Ten ; ( this ones to myself ) .. You need to loose weight.



How come it seems that everywhere I look, it has something to do with sex. Like online, there's all these adds about "10 new ways to WOW your man in bed " .. " Things to turn him on in the bedroom" .
Honestly, I'm seeing this at the worst time. I feel as if I'm being pressured into sex, is it really that horrible to want to stay a virgin until you're married?
I don't push my beliefs on others, why are people pushing theirs on me.

I can honestly say I want to stay a virgin until I'm married. When I'm married, then I can be sure that man loves me. Not just going to fuck me and dump me the next day. To me, I feel your virginity is a gift..not a trophy for the next player to have won. And even though in the moment it will feel good, but I'm someone who regrets a lot. And I know there's a chance of people actually marrying the person they had sex with when they were a teenager, but for me.. I don't feel I've met someone I'm going to marry. So, why would I give up something that special, to someone who won't remember my name 3 years down the road. To me; it isn't worth it. I don't care if people think I'm lame, it's my life, my choice.. and I plan on sticking to it.









I don't know why I feel like i feel
this fling with you isn't even real.
You keep tryin' to ease into my heart
I'm not a fool you aren't rippin' it apart.
You think you know what I need;
but you ain't nothin' but guy trying to do a deed.
You can't even measure up to a man,
I'm just lettin' you know where I stand.
You really think i like your sweet talk,
i'm not impressed with you so you need to start walking.
Guess what? Im not looking for a thug.
I'm not going to let my heart be swept under the rug.
You think you can have any girl but you choose me,
I'm sorry boy that's not how it's going to be.
I'm not looking for a smooth talking man,
because I'm not a little obsessed fan.
I know the real reason you chose me,
there is something in my jeans you want to see.
Sit down so I can tell you the only way;
and that is to put a ring on my finger,
and to say you love me more than one day.

Oh how much love I have for her. The way she writes sends shivers down my spine.. We all have things that make our breath stop, and when she speaks.. that's when I go breathless .

At 12 years old I started bleeding with the moon
and beating up boys who dreamed of becoming astronauts.
I fought with my knuckles white as stars,
and left bruises the shape of Salem.
There are things we know by heart,
and things we don't.
 
At 13 my friend Jen tried to teach me how to blow rings of smoke.
I'd watch the nicotine rising from her lips like halos,
but I could never make dying beautiful.
The sky didn't fill with colors the night I convinced myself
veins are kite strings you can only cut free.
I suppose I love this life,
 
in spite of my clenched fist.
 
I open my palm and my lifelines look like branches from an Aspen tree,
and there are songbirds perched on the tips of my fingers,
and I wonder if Beethoven held his breath
the first time his fingers touched the keys
the same way a soldier holds his breath
the first time his finger clicks the trigger.
We all have different reasons for forgetting to breathe.
 
But my lungs remember
the day my mother took my hand and placed it on her belly
and told me the symphony beneath was my baby sister's heartbeat.
And I knew life would tremble
like the first tear on a prison guard's hardened cheek,
like a prayer on a dying man's lips,
like a vet holding a full bottle of whisky like an empty gun in a war zone…
just take me      just take me
 
Sometimes the scales themselves weigh far too much,
the heaviness of forever balancing blue sky with red blood.
We were all born on days when too many people died in terrible ways,
but you still have to call it a birthday.
You still have to fall for the prettiest girl on the playground at recess
and hope she knows you can hit a baseball
further than any boy in the whole third grade
 
and I've been running for home
through the windpipe of a man who sings
while his hands playing washboard with a spoon
on a street corner in New Orleans
where every boarded up window is still painted with the words
We're Coming Back
like a promise to the ocean
that we will always keep moving towards the music,
the way Basquait slept in a cardboard box to be closer to the rain.
 
Beauty, catch me on your tongue.
Thunder, clap us open.
The pupils in our eyes were not born to hide beneath their desks.
Tonight lay us down to rest in the Arizona dessert,
then wake us washing the feet of pregnant women
who climbed across the border with their bellies aimed towards the sun.
I know a thousand things louder than a soldier's gun.
I know the heartbeat of his mother.
 
Don't cover your ears, Love.
Don't cover your ears, Life.
There is a boy writing poems in Central Park
and as he writes he moves
and his bones become the bars of Mandela's jail cell stretching apart,
and there are men playing chess in the December cold
who can't tell if the breath rising from the board
is their opponents or their own,
and there's a woman on the stairwell of the subway
swearing she can hear Niagara Falls from her rooftop in Brooklyn,
and I'm remembering how Niagara Falls is a city overrun
with strip malls and traffic and vendors
and one incredibly brave river that makes it all worth it.
 
Ya'll, I know this world is far from perfect.
I am not the type to mistake a streetlight for the moon.
I know our wounds are deep as the Atlantic.
But every ocean has a shoreline
and every shoreline has a tide
that is constantly returning
to wake the songbirds in our hands,
to wake the music in our bones,
to place one fearless kiss on the mouth of that brave river
that has to run through the center of our hearts
to find its way home.

All that is gold does not glitter. Not all those who wander are lost. The old who are strong do not whither. Deep roots are not reached by the frost. From the ashes a fire shall be woken. A light from the shadow will spring. Renewed be the blade that was broken. The crown less again shall be king.